Thinking of Getting Pregnant? Don’t Leave Before You Leave
Today’s post is mostly written for the ladies. But, I think it’s helpful for men and women… so, if you are a male reader, stay on… share it with a lady you care for.
I just finished reading Sheryl Sandberg’s book Lean In. In the book she addresses the challenges that women have in the working world. (She’s the Facebook COO and gave a fantastic talk on the subject at TED.) She addresses the idea that women can limit themselves in terms of their careers. It’s addressed to women in a more corporate setting. But I do think there are a lot of applicable lessons for women business owners also. Let’s change the things we can control about ourselves in the working world.
One mistake that Sheryl addresses and that I see women in our industry do all the time is ‘leaving before they leave’… meaning that women leave their jobs before they have to leave. Sheryl has noted that women stop short on career goals with the idea that they will someday have children. She sees women who have come in fresh out of college to a challenging position with a lot of opportunity and not reached for the next level of opportunity because they may someday have children. They wonder how the children will fit into that load of responsibility and they leave (they mentally check out.)
I agree that I see this too. I will confess that I did this with my own career when I was younger. While still in college I already started thinking about how I would fit a baby into my accounting career eventually. I guess I like to plan. But, this is limiting. I subconsciously (and consciously) limited myself with the what-ifs and when-ifs. SO SILLY when I think back to it! (And – I like to believe that I self-corrected in the last few years.)
In our industry, I see women who stop selling themselves and their services when they decide to start a family. Starting a family is the most important thing you will likely do in your life. No doubt there. But – there are so many variables at play. Sure – it could happen in a quick 9 months if you are lucky. (It happened to me that way with my #1.) Or – it could take 3 years. (It happened like that for me with #2. And – I had a miscarriage in between.) There are so many things that happen in this family plan that are not in anyone’s control… don’t leave before you have to leave. And – then – when it’s time to finally take that leave – make the best decision for your family… take a solid maternity leave, and decide how your work will change and what you want to change about it.
You have a LONG lead time to think and plan for this sort of thing. YES – I know – you may get booked for a wedding 18 months out. And – if you get pregnant next month – then what? Well – then you adjust. (This is why it’s good to have a solid contract, a back-up plan, damage control, and colleagues that can jump in.) BUT – do NOT stop selling yourself and your business until that time comes. Keep reaching for those opportunities!
What do you think? Have you found yourself in this situation? Share in a comment below.
Here’s is Sheryl’s TED talk… which I LOVE… so many great nuggets in here on this topic on a broader scale:
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I just had a revelation about this… as a bit of a perfectionist it is really hard for me to delegate tasks to employees but that makes it so hard to grow my business. This last weekend I tackled the largest wedding of my career so far (floral design) and was forced to accept/hire help. It felt really funny paying someone else to do some of the designs like shirking my responsibilities or taking credit for someone elses work… weird feelings BUT AH HA the event went smoothly and FINALLY realized if I get pregnant I can pay someone to help me complete the weddings around my due date.
That said I am always working to make both of my business (Etsy soap shop and wedding floral biz) as flexible as possible for the future so that when I am a mom I can be the BEST mom and still keep both my original children (bizes) For me this means not entering into a fancy lease when I can do the work from home and saving ahead to convert our future garage into a studio so while working from home I can still have boundaries. YAY!
I love this, Holly! Just as important as ‘not leaving’ (before having to leave) is setting yourself up for an easier life when you do get there! Sounds wonderful!!!
This is SUCH an important thing that I think we all need to talk more about. I’m about a year out from starting to *try* to start a family, but I can’t let that stop me. I mean, I could probably sit at a wedding, eight and a half months pregnant (if completely necessary) while my assistants do the work, if necessary. The florist I share a studio with had a baby (via C-section) in August, and went back to work on Labor Day weekend with TWO weddings. Though it isn’t ideal, it’s amazing what the human body can do when push comes to shove.
I’m not willing to let my career go just because I want to have babies someday. I know there’s a lot of controversy over whether or not women can “have it all”, but I think that one of the most amazing things about being self employed is the flexibility we have. We can take an entire wedding season off, if we want! But we can’t stop living our own lives just so that we can help others with theirs, and vice versa.
I agree, Joelle! There are so many variables in the planning/starting of a family. I think it’s detrimental to our careers to put them in pause while we go thru this phase in our lives. When the baby comes, that’s another story. (I can say from my own experience that not having enough maternity leave was a huge mistake I made with #1 and one that I was sure not to repeat with #2. Also – it’s a very personal decision if women decide to not work once that child is born… one that each family needs to decide for themselves.) But, not taking on weddings/clients because you *might* get pregnant is a big miss. Putting yourself in a position where your business can be at a high point of success is not a bad thing… it enables you to take time off for the maternity leave without as much of a financial setback (or marketing setback.)
Thanks for sharing your thoughts, Joelle! And – best of luck!
I was kind of the opposite in some regards (and maybe just crazy)! After building our business over a few years and walking away from a full-time outside career in 2012, I got pregnant this February. Then a full-time job that seemed so perfect for me fell in my lap this summer. I gave it a few months, before I realized working full-time with a business and having a baby this November was insane! I am back to the business now F/T and realizing that my husband + a trusted colleague can take my place in these last couple months of my pregnancy (hauling video/film cameras and other gear + being on the feet for 8+ hours in TX heat does not jive with the final months of pregnancy at all). It was weird to let go of the creative control and not be there for a couple weddings (I love the work SO much!), but it’s been really good for me and the pregnancy to take a step back. (And the one wedding where three of us filmed for part of the day was amazing–who knew an assistant could make life so much easier!?) And we have our last wedding of 2013 just 11 days before this baby girl is due in three weeks!!
(YAY! I can’t wait for your little baby!!!) Ummm… yeah full-time job and full-time business and full-time baby… that is CRAZY. 🙂 Glad you are back to more ‘normal’ work levels with baby and business… that will definitely give you a run for your money as it is. Isn’t so liberating to realize that you can let go some of the work/control to others? It’s hard at first… but then, so very freeing. WHAT a great thing to get in place before baby comes! Love it when it works out so nicely.