Facebook Friendships and Business Friendships
I’m hoping today’s post will foster a healthy discussion on this topic… would love to know your thoughts and learn from you.
Lately I’ve been getting a lot of Facebook friend requests from people in the industry. I like to keep my Facebook for my friends. I define friends as people who I socialize with in real non-virtual life. This doesn’t mean that I don’t like and love everyone of you in this industry. And, this doesn’t mean that I haven’t forged some INCREDIBLE relationships with people in the virtual world. I have. But, if I haven’t met you then it’s hard for me to socialize with you in this forum.
Here’s why…
Facebook is more personal to me than all the other social media channels.
Look, I don’t care that you see my nutso photos from high school. Hell – I’d post them on Twitter for the world to see. I’m also going to make the (totally naïve) assumption that most people aren’t going to show up on my front porch some day. I don’t care that you know how old I am and that you know that I like to drink cocktails on the weekends (more than just 2).
So… why does it matter that I only have real life friends on my Facebook?
I think it is because Facebook for me is personal. This is my separation of work and life. This is part of my work-life balancing act. I like my Facebook feed to be people that I have actually met in real life. It’s fun for me to see people’s babies, travels, and triumphs. I actually don’t want to have to “work” while on Facebook. (That’s what my business page is for.) Facebook (my personal profile) is my outlet from work.
I think MANY people feel this way too. I think this is why I’m seeing that people are setting up two personal profiles. These are NOT business pages. One personal profile has been set up for the “personal relationships” as I’ve described above. And, then a second profile was set up to get around all the business relationships and show the best business face. I totally get this. In fact, I’ve thought of doing the same… keep everyone compartmentalized… show my best business face on Profile #2 (not the nutso high school face)… and keep my babies and outside-work Facebook on Profile #1. Two profiles could be a way to have a deeper connection with people than thru a business page in which the communication is often just “corporate-like”.
But, then I realized…
HEY! Why should I get to see someone’s personal Facebook page while they are only limited to my “fake” Facebook page? Is that really fair? I get to see their nutso high school photos and they don’t get to see mine? Those “friends” would only subjected to this very perfect (and unrealistic) Facebook profile where all I do is talk about work? (Actually, some friends might actual prefer not reading about my fun weekend beaching in December. HA!)
Also – I realized that I do not want all the upkeep involved in this. 1 profile and 1 business page is already insane to manage (and we haven’t even talked about all the other social media upkeep: the blog, Twitter, tumblr, etc.)
Wedding pros? What are your thoughts on this? Do you have two separate profiles? How does it work for you?
How I resolved this…
I stopped myself before I got into all this craziness of 2 personal profiles. I’ve been better about managing my Facebook lists. I think this is WHY Facebook lists were invented. Do you know you can compartmentalize people into lists and filter out what each list can see? BRILLIANT!
I’ve also stopped myself from feeling guilty about not being Facebook friends with everyone. This isn’t because I think of myself as exclusive or elite. I am just like you. And, I think most people would say I’m pretty darn approachable and friendly. I’ll hug you the minute we meet. So, if you don’t know me very well… let’s become friends in real life… that’s wayyyyy better than becoming Facebook Friends. Then, the Facebook friendship will be oh-so-secondary to what we have in real life.
I completely agree with you – Facebook lists are key to separating business and personal contacts, although in certain instances allowing a business relationship to be more personal can be really rewarding. I also use the “face to face” rule for friending people on Facebook, although there are always exceptions. As social media becomes increasingly open I think business and personal personas will continue to blend no matter how we may try to keep them separate. The key is to never post anything you wouldn’t want published in the newspaper either way.
SK – there are ALWAYS exceptions to the face-to-face rule. There are some people that I talk to daily (mostly via Twitter) that I never met before but I consider to be a friend. (Hi @greenorchid!) I just know so much about them. I am definitely willing to bend those rules for people who I have close virtual relationships with… but it better go beyond just industry talk.
This is an incredibly touchy subject, and so glad you brought it up- the post paints a really clear picture for us professionals. I tried the whole “personal fb” and “business fb” in addition to my business page a couple years ago and it ended in severed ties with a few pros because of it. It was ugly and dramatic… but is now laughable (to me) as many things turn out to be. Ironically, those people seized to be in my personal life OR business life.
I learned from my mess the hard way, and thank goodness there are now lists!
Sorry to hear this had to end this way, Brenda! It really is too bad. I’ve been terrified myself of people being offended if I don’t accept their facebook request. For me, it really is about work / life balance. I love the wedding industry, but I don’t want to be thinking about it all hours of the day.
Thanks for sharing your experience.
Thank you for this post! And thank you for sharing about the Facebook Lists! I just have been too lazy to actually create my special lists. LOL =) But I do have two different profiles. One for personal and one for the business. Downside is, it can get pretty challenging to keep up with both.
yes! i urge people in the industry to become fans or likes of my juniper flowers page. i do have industry friends on my personal FB but like you said they are people i’ve met/hung out with in person and those i feel that are ok with seeing me upload pictures of my son removing a splinter from elmo’s finger or a random status post that i need coffee! BUT i do want business to be for business. i don’t want to know about your religion or political agenda on your business page. So if you have your business and personal page meshed together, i feel you should be more choosy about what you post.
the business page is a little harder to “get friends” you cant actually “send a message” to someone you dont know like you can on a personal page but there are ways around this now, like posting “like” buttons on your website or blog.
thanks for the post MML. i know you like to have more than 2 cocktails but i also know that you have great insight/ideas/ etc. that i follow on sage wedding pros. and i differentiate the 2 just fine:)
JL – I loved the photo of the Elmo/splinter rescue! 😉
I think the problem lies that before we could “talk as our facebook business fan page” we could only comment on other posts via our personal page….. which is why I have, and many have friends/business intertwined. Now the problem is solved for me… but now to get business people to follow my business page is a whole other story! I now write only personal stuff on my personal page, and business on my business, you know who I am and you should follow my business page if you want to know what I am doing on that end.
I couldn’t agree more! I have my Facebook profile so locked down I have to find you, its almost impossible for someone to find me unless we already have someone in common. I do have more and more work related Facebook friends; people who I have gotten to know very well through online platforms or professional events. That’s when the lists come in very handy. If I met you briefly, online or in person, and you are strictly a business contact and you *have to* friend me, I’ll put that person in a list where I can restrict a lot of my personal sharing, its perfect. The lists are a great way to create guidelines or boundaries, specially when it comes to sharing a lot about our personal lives. Thanks for sharing Michelle!
I couldn’t find you, Marialexandra!!! HAHA! But – I’m glad you let me in. 😉 I have to get better about my lists… I know I’m not utilizing them to the max.
I completely understand wanting to separate out business and personal, though in truth the internet, technology (being able to be reached 24/7) and social media especially have blurred the line greatly. When I was still in the events industry, I used to receive friend requests from fellow industry peeps I didn’t know all the time. I accepted them thinking we would connect, but that never happened and eventually I deleted them. Now, if I don’t know you (real or virtually) then I don’t accept the requests. I also generally don’t send requests to people I don’t “actually” know unless I feel like I know them through conversations on Twitter (Hi Brenda!). By my general nature and PR background, I’ve never put anything out there that I wouldn’t want anyone to see, so having a mix of friends, family, colleagues and clients in my list has never been too much of a problem – though it would be SO nice if we didn’t have to tip-toe around these political mine-fields!
Melinda – I’m with you – there isn’t much “out there” in the internet that I would want to hide. Fortunately, I was a pretty tame teenage (and that was before the days of cameras being everywhere) and I don’t really live a crazy life. So it’s less an issue of privacy and more an issue of work-life balance… tho, in this business there are very blurred lines of that… which I like… just not ALL the time – and not on my facebook.
Great article. I agree with it all expect the part where you feel you don’t have time to manage both Personal and Business facebook accounts. The tools that FB now has makes it easier than ever, albiet further improvements can and should be made. Wendy is right, and i’m in the same boat – getting all of my industry “friends” to now like my Facebook Fanpage. In general, we must shift our time, resources and budgets more from traditional marketing to new media marketing.
Meaning we must all get used to managing two Facebook presences. Today’s marketing is shifting so much towards “New Media” (Facebook, Twitter, Social Media, etc.) that if one’s business does not jump aboard, they’ll soon be left behind.
Traditional Marketing & Media is dying. Did you know that the New York Times has more facebook fans than they do actual newspaper subscribers? (weekday. while the Sunday subscribers are close to being surpassed) Do they have have time to keep up with their facebook page?
Thanks for the comment Blake!
I should clarify… I *DO* manage 2 facebook identities: a personal profile and business page. I keep the 2 very separate and speak to my specific audience in each. This is why I feel that having business contacts on my personal page is not my best “professional face”. I’m sure some people find it cute what my 3 year old has to say every day… and some people could care less.
I do NOT however want to have a 3rd identity – a business person “profile” which is a sterilized version of my personal profile. But, this is my preference. I feel that if people want to know more about my personal life – I should have a more personal relationship first. Until then they can become fans of my business page and chat with me on Twitter.
Dang . . forgot to add my website url to the sig/name which this one has. And while at it, my fb fanpage is http://www.facebook.com/ProMotionEntertainment
Thank you for this great topic Michelle! It was something I struggled with for a while. I found that even though I made lists in FB, the privacy settings didn’t always work the way I wanted them to, i.e. even if I was making one particular post private to certain individuals, my entire wall would become off limits to others, etc. In fact managing that piece became far more problematic than having a totally separate business version of my account. I have become a much bigger fan of FB when used for business, than for personal anyway. I use Hootsuite which allows me to monitor/post to my personal and business profiles, as well as our business page all from the same window.
Thanks for the comment Syd! I haven’t fully explored the “lists” functions to learn of all of the limitations. Thanks for sharing your experience… I’ve been wondering about some of the things you mention. That would be incredibly frustrating! How do you ensure that the business people who are friending you are actually friending your business account and not your personal account? If they search for you – don’t both profiles pop up? Don’t people still ask to friend you on your personal account? How do you shift them to the other?
Hi! I had been using my personal Facebook account since 2005, so that would have meant a lot of moving around! In general, I just don’t think Facebook has had a very good track record with privacy stuff anyway. Once in a while, a current colleague or client will friend me on my personal account, so all I do is find them and friend them from my business account and then delete the original request.